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Past
Credits Base code:P3a Image: Tammy Modified Image: Indigo Fever |
Thursday, March 30, 2006 ( What relationship is to ME ) Yes, we all gone through that. Well, some of us I hope. It's a lovely thing. A unique feeling, where each one has it's own words to describe. There are some of my friends who had a fulfilling relationship with his girlfriend. Now that is the type of relationship all of us would like to have, don't we? Some of my friends were quite amazed of me still being single all this while. Well, truth is, I can't. No no NO! Not that im infertile or whatsoever! LoL! It's just that my priority right now is more important than commiting to one other being. I do have a few temptations to start one but my conscience had pricked me all the time to discard that temptation. I learned my mistakes. I'm still trying to get over it. Time do heal my wounded heart. All this time, while studying, I met a handful of ladies who are gorgeous, caring and not to mention smart and talented. One look at them and you swore you can see the glowing aura around them. I had a crush on somebody, and a crush on her friend too. *Chuckles* However, I can't bring myself to say "I Love You" or "I would like you to be my girlfriend". I just can't. Wanna know why? It's because I'm scared. Scared that something bad may happened to this relationship. I had 3 relationships already and that had really thought me what is love means. Love means, is to hurt someone a lot, but in the end, your togetherness brings you and her closer to understand each other. There are many meanings to Love. I rather see Love, not be in Love. So if I were to find that special girl to be placed in my heart, I rather wait and wait for that someone who could mesmerise me so much, that eventually, I would take notice. It's tough to be in a relationship. I hope everyone agrees with me on this. Commiting yourself to that only person, while juggling your time with studies, work etc... My life, it's all about working and studying. Ever since I took my separate ways from my once beloved, I never wanted to risk anything again. It really open my eyes. Work all I can, study all I can. All to divert my attention from the reality of Love. Yes, I feel Love from girls who want me to be theirs. I apologise for I can't be there, be part of your life. I made up my mind. The only way to my heart, is to my passion. A relationship that I would like to have is one who shares the same passion as me. The one who enjoys nature, outgoing personality, sports and volunteerism. Patience is a virtue and I would like to see that in her, and the rest is history. I believe that eveyone has his/her soulmate. Only time will tell when this 2 will meet. I'm sure I'll meet her. One day. Till then my dear, I'll close my eyes on Love... 12:32 AM Tuesday, March 28, 2006 ( My first time as Shift Manager ) I mean, my mind was set on focusing in service that I almost dropped dead when I was put in shift. Meaning, I have the power to put every crew and, ehem, managers at their stations. How cool is that?! Haha.. Well, after I reached home after my shift, I reflected on my actions, well, far to say the best, but I was satisfied laa. Not sure about the other managers though. At least the crew don't mind, I think. I did what I had to do. I need more time to get a hang on it. It's tough to head a restaurant. All things, crew or equipment or customers, must go through the shift manager before any actions can be taken. I was put through that and I understand the pressure. The pressure is there mind you, but how strong you are will determine the outcome of any particular incidents. Fortunately, there wasn't any mishaps or whatsoever happened, and I found my thumbdrive back! Yesh! Alhamdullilah, thank God. Well, to say the least, I'm trying to lose myself and try to relax. I need it. But school term is opening soon. No time to relax. My mind is going through a very very very tough time processing all my thinking ryte now. I think I'm having migraine=( Oh heck, I will never succumb to giving up. Wish me luck! ;-) 1:00 AM Saturday, March 25, 2006 ( What a total loser I am ) I can't hold a candle properly now. My life is a total fluke. Im a nobody. I hate my life... Who I am is Whom I hate... 1:18 AM Thursday, March 23, 2006 ( A new Handphone! ) I got myself a Nokia 6111. Yes, Im back to using Nokia after a 2 yr break... Lol... Well, let's see, I got plans to meet Hazmi at his new workplace at Taka, but had to change my plan when my ex-colleague asked me to accompany her to SP for the enrolment exercise. One thing for sure, I was surprised that she even remembers me. Haha. No hard feelings. So off I went with her, paying her school fees at Civics Center then at T1A, waiting for everything to end. Freak! The school finally is making students use laptops! Now, the freaking roadshows at SP are selling below 2K! WTH! I bought this laptop for 2.5K... Such a waste man! Haiz, nevermind... Just looking forward to tomorrow's Anugerah Planet Muzik with Dewi! Haha... Yaya ~Wee=) 11:12 PM Wednesday, March 22, 2006 ( Not bad a day at work after yesterday ) Jennie, the RM for CSP, went over everything, and finally solved the (irritating) prob... I salute her man. Just like that, she found out the trouble, also thanks to Siti who made an effort to reinforce me the importance of the No 1 rule in Business, "Never trust anyone". Heck! Since when I trust anyone so readily=) However, it still bothers me very much because if I was careful enough, this things would not had happened. Anyway, throw away the bad and ugly, but keep the goodness, so I just made sure that I won't repeat the bloody same mistake again. That 's for that. Now, my poly results.... I PASSED!!! ~Wee! Got 'A', a few 'Bs', a 'C' and a few 'C+'. Thank You GOD! Thank You GOD! I'll strive harder next new term. I will bring honour to this family! For now, I just enjoy! ~Wee.... 7:44 PM ( The worst day in my career ) I mean, the company had a history of axeing managers who have the same incidents as me. So, I'll probably be facing the same consequence. Oh Izzat, what wrong have you done..? This is a really big MISTAKE! How could that amount possibly just 'disappear'? I just cannot think at the moment. My mind is numb and my heart is ripping apart. Im sure this news will spread like wildfire, and I'll be forever condemn. My reputation is tarnished. My image smeared. My life is hanging on the balance. I'm really really sorry to Crystal for all this trouble that I caused... I apologise for my mistakes... I really lost for words of how that incident could happened. I mean, doesn't matter how I meant. It won't change the fact that I made the most stupidest mistake any manager could make. I really made a fool of myself. Maybe I'm just not cut out for this thing. I'm just not to sure of MYSELF... 12:31 AM Tuesday, March 21, 2006 ( Why can't be on time? ) It's not that something freaky happened. I just don't wanna say anything vulgar. Not my style. Why am I mad? Simple, let's put it this way, My friend and I put together a proposal for an outing. This outing is very important coz it involves a national award. We sent out emails, and there is practically no one who reply yet. I mean, I don't mind if you can't go, at the very least do reply and type that you ain't interested. Furthermore, those people who's interested, let's hope that they will stick and don't come back and say that they had change their mind and back out. I dunno. It seems that I have a really bad feeling nowadays. Not that aomething will happened. Just that nothing seems to go as planned. I can't explain it but I keep having this irritating itch all over my body, like something is moving around and just makes that part of the skin itch. My contacts, suppose to make me see better, turns out makes me blur-rer... WTH... I can't believe this... My life just ain't going right. Somebody help me! 12:23 AM Sunday, March 19, 2006 ( KL trip with family ) Well, at least I had the chance to go there alone. You see, my family had went there earlier in the day. I was left behind coz I still had to work during the day. Oh man, when I board the train at night, the feeling of being independent was great. Here I am, going through life without the supervision of my parents or teachers... Such a great way to learn to be self-dependent. I met an indian guy who's main purpose of going to KL was to watch the F1 race. I almost forgotten about that one. No wonder there were many "race-minded" passengers onboard... Once I reached KL, my dad picked me up and went straight to the hotel. The Pyramid Hotel, next to Sunway Resort Hotel which is obvious is next to Sunway theme park... Had loads of fun at the water park. However, Im kinda bored since all the rides I had tried before. Took me lest than half an hour to try all. All I wanted to do was just to shop. And shop i did! Spent a few hundred Ringgit on some Adidas shirts and Quicksilver shoes. But I just can't find a nice pair of pants or shades. Just freaks me out coz I just got a day to spent some time shopping! Well, thats the onlyday I had. The next day (which is today actually), time for me to head home. So you can imagine how frustrating it is not to spent a good time during your holidays. 11:45 PM Tuesday, March 14, 2006 ( Attachment ) You may ask me why I care? Well, simple. It's a place of my last outing with someone special in my live. Do I emphasis that that special someone is a 'was'... Parted ways, broke up and never seen each other again. Gosh... Why am I re-visiting the places of both of us had gone too..? Well, the Serangoon stadium was not that we actually met, but I had attended her St John's 'big day'. To see that she was all smilez and happy. For the last time. It ached my heart, and the old scar opened again, and I began to shed a tear. Not physically, I don't want people to see, but deep inside. I sense the dreaded lose of her. For all eternity, I'll stand here in the rain, hoping that the droplets will wash the sorrows away. For the pain within, is like a point of a pin, prickling the wound that i made so badly in need of love. I'll never be the same without you. Thats for sure. Coz deep in my soul, I have planted your love and devotion and hope that it grows. But 7 months later, that seed withered and died. Leaving a vacuum of space inside. There used to be a graying time all alone on the sea You became the light on the dark side of me Love remain a drug gets me high, that's how I feel The light that you shine can be seen Baby, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey The more I get of you, stranger it feels, Now that your rose is is in bloom, a light hits the gloom on the grey But somehow, your rose died, and my life turned the other way Goodbye my dear... I'll miss you... But remember this, You'll never see me, but I'll certainly be there for you when nobody could, that I promise you... 11:35 PM Sunday, March 12, 2006 ( Oh shucks I forgot ) Well, at the very least, I'm doing somethings that I could be proud off. Being a manager in just a short time is no mean feat.. I think I now accept that I am the youngest Mcdonalds manager in Singapore. Maybe la. I'm just 17++... So there's a possibility that someone out there is even younger than me. Have you ever thought that being in a relationship at my age is something worthwhile to commit? I mean, what is so important to find someone now but after you've done so much together, your world just breaks apart from your partner? Why? Coz someone else had somehow steal your lover away. My question is, why your lover leave you? Is it because s/he's just grown tired of you? Or is it because that there's no more sparks between you 2? Why then you 2 commit to each other in the first place? Have you ever thought that such things would happened? Sigh... I regret finding love at an early age. Regret that I maybe the cause of unhappiness that had befallen on a person I once call a friend. Regret that now im suffering the feelings that I should not feel yet. Here's an extract from Avenged Sevenfold song; Seize the Day I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time But I'm too young to worry (a melody, a memory, or just one picture) These streets we travel on will undergo our same lost past I found you here, now please just stay for a while I can move on with you around I hand you my mortal life, but will it be forever? I'd do anything for a smile, holding you 'til our time is done We both know the day will come, but I don't want to leave you . Goodbye to you, Lolla May you enjoy the beauty of life with someone whom you really love 10:31 PM Thursday, March 02, 2006 ( Six at the Beginning Again ) This is without blame. Truth, like a full earthen bowl: Thus in the end Good fortune comes from without. – I Ching Love was, I thought, a fire you set, or failed to set. Those cold nomadic years,scouring sand beneath my feet, I hunted the earthen bowl, fragile and lovely, watching Ezekiel's wheelturn the sky awake. But I was wrong to think love wasfortune sprung from within, deservingness stored up soGod could see. It was luck, all of us fortune-cursed or bitor blessed. One morning I wokewith the bowl in my hands,this lover come from where? Hold to him in truth andloyalty. This is without blame. Deborah BogenThe Gettysburg Review Volume 19, Number 1Spring 2006 10:32 PM Wednesday, March 01, 2006 ( End of Exams, FINALLY! ) .jpg) Today is the day that a year ago, I spent my time studying the fundamentals of the electrical world in SP. Today is the day that all the past one year will end and the results will be out in 2 weeks time... Hope I can do well man... It's pissing me off if I can't get a good grade... It's my dream, well one of them actually, to be an engineer... Just inagine me being able to do something worthwhile for the world.. Oh man, that'll be so great..! haha... Well, Im gonna have some fun for the rest of the month.. Chill! 12:20 PM |